Most of you probably don’t follow my Facebook or Instagram and may be wondering where I’ve been. Why this sudden disappearance from a blog I’d been trying to build up? That’s a story I barely believe. If anyone told me what last year would bring I would have told them they were crazy, but here I am.
So what happened, you ask. I woke up. If you read my post from Valentine’s Day last year you would have read about how I married my highschool sweetheart and how in love I was. At the time I was for the most part. After 16 years of marriage though I’d decided to bury my head in the sand and ignore the problems in my marriage to the point of depression. I had no idea why I was so depressed when I had this idyllic life. Yet, when I sat down and thought about why I was staying my best reason was my children.
I had other reasons to stay at first. Those reasons made me feel trapped, overwhelmed and scared. As the two of us tried to talk about our problems things only grew worse. I found it amazing that a person who was supposed to love you could say the most hurtful things you’ve ever heard. It was also mind blowing that they didn’t seem to want to fight for me.
In the end I did things I wasn’t proud of. I hurt my ex-spouse more than he ever deserved. If you heard my whole story you may forgive me, or you may not. I’ve apologized to him and can only try to do better in the future. I just know that when I was finished I hadn’t given up on my marriage I’d simply had enough of the same old bullshit that was never going to change.
“There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough”@thegoodquote
The months since my separation in April 2018 I was barely able to write. It was a miracle I finished Honor Bound for the compilation novel Moonlight Mist I’d signed up for in January. Keeping up with my blogs on Our Author Gang was hard as well. Since finishing Honor Bound I haven’t written more than a few pages. No matter how hard I try the words just won’t come to me.
I’ve had more than enough to keep me occupied though. I am officially a single mother. My two girls live with me 95% of the time and I love them to pieces. I started dating again hoping to find someone to keep me company when the girls were gone. I was hoping for something steady. I’ve found something long term instead. He’s almost the exact opposite of my ex and he’s exactly what I needed.
In an effort to get back to writing I re-read Chased: Dragons of the North. When I wrote it I intended the villainous ex-boyfriend to sound like a compilation of my BFF’s ex’s. It was a real eye opener to read it again after the divorce and see how much of my ex is in that character as well. I always said my writing was therapy and I should have paid attention a little closer to what was on the page.
With 2018 over I want to put that disastrous year behind me and start fresh. I hope to get back to writing soon and am planning to update my blog more regularly. The girls and I are planning camping trips in our pop up camper this summer. My boyfriend and I will continue to spend as much time as we can snuggling while we binge watch tv shows, arguing over comics and anime, or talking about cars.
Thanks to everyone who kept reading my blog while I was away.