For those who don’t know I am recently divorced. You can read that post here. Until this fall I have my two girls 95% of the time because of my ex’s work schedule. That’s great by me. I love my girls and it’s been a blast getting close to them. I have had my trials and tribulations though so I thought I would share a bit over a series of ongoing blog posts.
When the three of us were first left alone it was a big adjustment for all of us. The girls missed their dad and I couldn’t blame them. It wasn’t their idea for us to get divorced and I had to constantly reassure them it wasn’t their fault. Still there were tantrums and anger management issues that required professional help and I had to find a counselor for one of them.
I myself was seeing a therapist for depression. That I was depressed seemed odd to me. I called off the marriage but my counselor explained it was normal after being together so long.
It took months of therapy to get over the depression, hurt, and anger I felt. In the meantime my girls and I tried to live a normal life. The summer was easy we went on a vacation with my mom and to Six Flags as often as we could. The girls loved their time alone with mom and grandma.
I tried dating again and that was a bumpy road that I might talk about in a different post. Looking back though I wasn’t dealing with things as well as I should. My girls were always fed, always had clean clothes and hair/teeth brushed but the finer details were missed. How could I pay attention to those when I was battling depression and adjusting to a new life myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights and hated myself for doing it.
As school approached again I was pulling myself out of the darkness. There was a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I had to refocus on my girls. Everything still seemed overwhelming but I was ready to go. For the most part I was used to doing things myself. Before the divorce my ex’s crazy work schedule meant I operated like a single mom most of the time, so I knew what to expect. The only difference now was the only relief I received was from my mom and the rare days he took the girls for a visit.
So what if my house wasn’t always clean. And I spent every off day running errands. Or that I was that mom at the store who had organized chaos surrounding her. I was living the life I chose and finally feeling good about myself. It hit me a few months after the divorce that I’d made the right decision. Of course, this is after I let my five year old scream all her anger out in our car while Walmart shoppers walked by staring. My older daughter told me she was happier now. She said she could see I was happier too and that I wasn’t angry all the time.
I’m not a proponent of divorce and that’s part of why I stayed so long. I wanted to make things work. I tried very hard to do so. I told myself nothing was wrong. But then your daughter says something like that and you realize what an effect an unhappy marriage has on those around you. For now I’ll keep moving forward and do the best job I can for my girls.
R. Tran Books 