My life right now is a work in progress. My husband and I are in the midst of a divorce that came as a surprise to both of us. I came to a point in my life where I realized that we both wanted different things and no matter what we did it wasn’t going to work. I was hanging on to what we had and not building a future for me or our children. I certainly wasn’t setting an example for my girls of what a married life should be.
Of course I can say all of this now. Hindsight is 20/20 at the time I could not understand my own inner torment or why I was ready to walk away from what seemed like a happy marriage. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I loved in most ways. Those few exceptions generally revolved around things involving my spouse. It wasn’t his fault really. We weren’t who we were when we married at 21. I certainly wasn’t.
I think finally publishing my writing had a big part to play in giving me that final push to see the good the bad and the ugly about everything around me. It’s amazing what can happen when you realize that something you were sure was some piddly overlooked hobby turns into a golden egg. I’m not saying I’m the best author in the world but it’s nice for others to appreciate my work and get that validation. A pat on the back is always appreciated and so are awards. Finding my voice both on and off the page has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Now I’m a single mom with full custody of my girls until late 2019. Its hard but I have my wonderful mother and step-father to help. I also have lots of supportive friends. I think scariest of all though has been going on my first date after 20 years. It was terrible, I was stood up. Yes my first date in 20 years and the guy doesn’t show. The next one did and he was pretty nice.
For now I think I’ll enjoy my girls, a queen size bed all to myself and loving the woman I see in the mirror every day.