For your convenience I have gathered several samples of my work for your convenience.
First person: (an excerpt from Magic Always has a Price)
They took Brad to surgery a short while later. Cindy apparently withheld a few facts from me. Brad was shot twice: once in the chest and once in the stomach. A bullet was still in his abdomen and had to come out. It took five hours to fix the damage and stabilize him. I sat through most of his surgery holding my mother’s hand.
Brad’s parents arrived for the last half hour of his surgery. Papa broke the news to them. I couldn’t do it. If I said it out loud that made it real and I couldn’t face it. Mrs. Ford broke down crying in Mr. Ford’s arms. I felt horrible for not telling them sooner. How could I though? It would have been a four-hour drive knowing you may never see your son alive again. What a terrible thing.
Eventually, Mrs. Ford’s sobbing slowed to silent tears and she took my hand. It was a show of support and hopefully forgiveness. We all sat waiting for the doctor. When he told us Brad was going to the ICU, it was a step in the right direction. He had to make it through the night. If he did, he had a chance.
Brad didn’t look good. He lay in his bed hooked to a ventilator. His color was poor from loss of blood. His blood pressure was low and his heart rate slow. I couldn’t stand to see him like that. He was an athlete. This morning he was so vibrant and full of life. Now, what? It was all my fault. He was coming to see me. I pushed a few more tears away. Mrs. Ford hugged my shoulders.
“We should all get some rest, Lisa.” Mrs. Ford told me.
I handed Mrs. Ford my apartment keys. “You and Mr. Ford can stay at our apartment. I’ll stay at Mom and Dad’s and few days.”
“Alright, sweetie. See you in the morning.” She kissed Brad and took her husband’s hand as she left.
My parents waited for me to leave. “Go on, I just want to sit a little with him.” My mother kissed my head before they left as well.
I laid my head on the bed beside Brad and dozed off. I was in the woods, and the Black Horseman rode past me. It was too dark in the woods at night to see anything. I tried to cast fire, but my magic eluded me. I stumbled along the path tripping occasionally as I groped in the darkness. Finally, I ran into something and stopped. This is where I was supposed to be. I called my magic again. This time it came easily. I let fire hover above my palm illuminating everything around me. The horseman blocked the path ahead yet I wasn’t frightened. His magic was strongest at night. This is where he belonged. He removed one gauntleted hand from his reins and pointed to the tree limb above. I looked up. Eyes glinted in the firelight, and glossy black feathers reflected the flames brilliance. All at once the ravens called to me.
I woke up with a jolt. Brad’s heart monitor was beeping erratically then it went flat. Shit. I pushed the code button and laid the bed flat, so I could start CPR. Nurses and doctors rushed in pushing me aside. I’d never been more scared. I left the room to wait.
A few minutes later a nurse came out. She said Brad was alive. They restarted his heart, and there was no damage. She said I should go home though, that visiting hours were over. I glanced at my watch. It was 1 a.m. How was Brad ever going to make it to that morning? I was going to lose him. I went into the room and kissed him. I promised him I would find a way to help him.
Once in my car, I broke down crying. I couldn’t do anything else. I had all this magic, and I couldn’t do anything. I was useless. So was Morena. All those days praying and leaving offerings for nothing. It was all pointless.
Third Person limited: (an excerpt from Hunted: Dragons of the South)
Hunter found her towels, soap, and shampoo. He left and came back a few minutes later with a set of sweats. Lexa thanked him and shut the door. Everything in the house smelled like him; musk, pine, and dew. He smelled so good. Why was Lexa not freaking out? Some part of her must register this as normal even though she didn’t remember any of it. Her first thought was to find the dragons. Well, she’d found one all right. Lexa sighed, he was gorgeous. Why did he have to be good looking? She didn’t even know who or apparently what she was. She couldn’t get into a relationship. Maybe sex though? A soft growl escaped her throat at the thought. What the fuck was that?
Lexa turned on the water and looked into the mirror. The same face that was in the tiny picture on her I.D. stared back at her, only this one was worn and thin. She looked like shit. There went sex. Lexa undressed and got under the water. The heat eased sore muscles. Weariness hit her like a ton of bricks. Now that she was fed and somewhere safe she felt like she could sleep for a year. It was all Lexa could do to wash, dry and get dressed before passing out.
The following is part of the response to a beta read for a romance novella. The title and details have been left out to protect the author and their work:
There are a few other small details that don’t make sense. Why not take cabs to the airport parking fees in NY have to be sky high for two weeks and traffic is a bitch there. Even when you’re rich you don’t waste money like that. It’s how you stay rich. (That needs to be clarified a little earlier too otherwise the house in Manhattan and 9 kids there is the first NO WAY moment)… more detail is left out here
Overall watch your dialog some of it felt forced. Make sure characters use contractions, nicknames, etc. It got better as the story moved forward so recheck the earliest pages.
My last point is you have way too much detail. I don’t care that the twins got juice and goldfish vs milk etc. I don’t need a play by play of their entire trip especially if you go AA (action adventure for the genre) I want major events. Sure if the twins spill the juice on Hayden and he gets mad and that leads to point C ok but otherwise is it important? Sometimes details bog down the reader and detract from what your really trying to tell them.
I was going to keep reading but I wanted to let you know my thoughts so far. I’m happy to answer any questions you have. From what I’ve seen the story has potential and I think you have excellent ability as a writer.There are a few other small details that don’t make sense. Why not take cans to the airport parking fees in NY have to be sky high for two weeks and traffic is a bitch there. Even when you’re rich you don’t waste money like that. Its how you stay rich. (That needs to be clarified a little earlier too otherwise the house in Manhattan and 9 kids there is the first NO WAY moment) Overall watch your dialog some of it felt forced. Make sure characters use contractions, nicknames, etc. It got better as the story moved forward so recheck the earliest pages.
For more examples of my writing please feel free to explore my website or my books.